An Ode To My '96 Buick Regal

1 Samuel 16:7 (NASB)
"...For God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

I loved my 1996 Buick Regal.  I loved that it looked like it's either a car that a pastor would drive or a car that a gangbanger would drive by in.  I like to think that on the inside, I am both a pastor and a gangsta.
I loved that I still had to start it with a key and not a button.  I loved that the suspension was worn out just enough that it bounced like I was navigating medium chop in an old speed boat.  I even loved that on long road trips, I felt the need to carry every possible car fluid imaginable to keep the engine running for the full trip.
The biggest reason I loved my 96 Regal so much was because it had a story.  I bought it in 2006 from a friend's dad who was selling his grandmother's car.  It was the classic "grandma car" story because it was ten years old and it only had 23K miles on it.  I paid 3K cash for essentially a brand new car.
A few years later I rear ended another car and did some minor damage.  Because of the car's age, my insurance company decided to total the car so my insurance company gave me a check for $3300.00.  I went to a friend's garage and I paid him $300.00 to fix my 'totaled' car..and BOOM I was driving a free car and I drove it until we moved to Tennessee and I had to trade it in for something with a working air conditioner.
Most people would look at my car and it's peeling clear coat skin with hidden disgust but I saw it with smiling delight because I knew it's story.
I think that's how God sees us.  He knows our story and so all the scars and blemishes that most would look at with judgement and disgust have become delightful and even beautiful to Him.  The things about us that the world sneers at are often the things that God proudly smiles at because we are His and He knows our story.

SHOES OFF

Exodus 3:5

“Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.”

When we keep our shoes on, that usually means that we're not staying long. Even my oldest son understood the nature of shoes when he was only two. I had popped my head through through the door into his bedroom to see what he was up to. At the time, I was a new father and by nature, a very distracted guy who was not real good at the whole "daddy" thing yet (and I still haven't arrived). I was just wanting to check in on him and was probably also trying to relieve a guilty conscience because I had not spent a lot of time with him that day. But two year old Braden called my bluff. "Daddy, take your shoes off! Sit down and play with me." I can't effectively communicate how those words sounded coming out of a two year olds mouth but in all of their infinite cuteness they struck me with the force of a cuddly sledge hammer. I knew what my boy was saying. He was telling me that a "fly by visit" was not enough and as long as I had my shoes on, I wasn't there to stay. My initial response was to go to my room and weep because he had ripped my heart out with his tender request but instead I did exactly what he asked. I took my shoes off and sat down and played with my son for a long time.

As I have thought about my sons precious words, I think he was speaking a great truth about the time we spend in all of our relationships including our relationship with God. So many times I find my self "popping in" to say hello to God and to relieve a guilty conscience for not having spent more time with Him and during the short time that I am there, I have my "shoes on" as I am thinking about all of the things that I have to do or places I have to be. As a father, I wonder how I would feel if my son treated his time with me the same way that I had treated my time with Him?

I know that God is God but He is also a father who has made himself vulnerable to His children. In Exodus, God tells Moses to take his shoes off at the burning bush...I wonder if the modern translation of God's words to Moses might sound something like this... "Son, because I'm here, You are in a holy place and a holy moment. Take off your shoes and stay a while? I want to be with you"..

"EXCLUSIVE"...A WORD THAT ANNOYS ME WHEN DESCRIBING THE GOSPEL

There is something about the word "exclusive" that drives me a little nutty when it comes to the Gospel.  It's not because it's not true in the theological sense that Jesus is the only way to God the Father...it's more because of the ways that it has often been wrongly used to describe the Gospel.

One of the ways that "exclusive" has been misused is much like the kid who gets invited to the Chucky Cheese birthday party brags to the kid who didn't get invited.  It wreaks of an "I'm right and I get to go/ you're wrong and you don't get to go" tone that sounds more like a nerd who's right about an algebra problem than it is a beggar who has found bread trying to tell another beggar where to find it.

Another use of "exclusive" that drives me equally batty is a tone often taken by those of a more universalist bent where it is used an insult that is much like the terms "narrow minded" or "intolerant".  This use of the word comes from those who would say "how dare you say that Jesus is the only way to God!  That is narrow minded and intolerant of other views!"

The response that rises up in me would be "how dare you say He's not!".

I guess part of the reason that I get so agitated is that I don't think that the Gospel is exclusive at all.  If there was an impassable canyon that everyone had tried and failed to cross but  finally a bridge had been provided to cross it and ANYONE can cross the bridge, would it be "exclusive" to tell people that the bridge was the only way to successfully cross but thank God there was a way across?

If there was an incurable disease but through some miraculous anomaly, a child was born with a natural immunity towards the disease?  Would it be "exclusive" to tell the world that they would all have to get the vaccine that came from that child's blood but thank God, there was a cure!
Since we are talking about the Gospel let's take this metaphor a little further (and it is just a metaphor that will inevitably break down somewhere)... What if the production of a cure required the use of every drop of that child's blood (thus taking the child's life) but both the father and the child agreed that this was necessary to save the world..would it be "intolerant" to say that there was only one vaccine but now there was enough for everyone to get it?  If I was that father, and after losing my son to save the world, someone had the nerve to say in my presence "it' narrow minded to say there's only one vaccine and I don't like getting shots so...no thanks", I can't imagine what I'd I want to do to them...but I might just let them have their way and let them face the sickness unprepared.  Fortunately, God is nothing like me.  He is far more merciful and gracious in pleading with us even as we refuse Him and insult the death of His son.

I know that God is much more than just a father but He IS a father and from that point of view, I just don't believe He would have let Jesus go to the cross if there was ANY other way.  The hard reality is that there was only one way to pay for and cure the brokenness of man so that we could be restored back to God.  The good news and the good news is that Jesus is the only way...and He is the only way that is available to anyone and everyone.

IT'S BEEN A YEAR..

It was one year ago today that we got up at the crack of dawn, loaded up in our mini-van and our rented moving truck and headed down to Nashville.  It was one of the saddest and most exciting drives of my life.  I had no idea that that drive would very much be a symbol of the year that was to come.
and now I'm feeling the weight of this year.

There has been a lot of change.  You always see those lists of top ten stressors in life.  We've checked off most of the top five on that list...We changed cities, changed homes, changed jobs.
Not only have we changed a lot but we have left and lost.  We left a church job that might be the only perfect job description for a worship leader on the planet leading worship for the only perfectly imperfect church on the planet.  We left people at that church that had very much become family.  They're still family but now they don't live close enough to drop by or invite us over for Sunday dinner.

My kids left everything that they would call their childhood up to this point.   They left a neighborhood that was like the neighborhoods you see in old movies where the families all know each other cause they're all outside a lot doing things like Fourth of July parades around the block and impromptu driveway fire pit get togethers at night.  My kids left a church where for seven years they had the royal privileges of being a staff kid where they could roam throughout the building wherever they wanted and we didn't worry about them cause everybody there knew them.


I also lost my older brother in early March.  Him having a heart attack could not have come more out of nowhere than it did.  Mike was the one who somehow always came out of a situation unscathed.  He was the kid in the neighborhood who could ride a wheelie all the way up the cul de sac.  He was the one who could always lay down a game time performance not having practiced at all.  It's been over seven months and I'm still not sure if I have even started the grieving process...but I know I'm really starting to miss my big brother.  Life is a little more scary and I feel a little more exposed with my big brother not being there to finish fights that I started.

We have also gained.  We have gained the comfort of being back in the area that both Jenna and I grew up calling home.  I'm more convinced than ever that the deep seeded longing and dream that feels like home will never be realized on this earth..but it is nice to not have to make a whole new set of friends and start all over like we have in so many other ministry moves.  This time we moved back to people who have known us most of our lives...and we get to add new friends to that mix too.   We also gained a neighborhood right away that is very much like the one we left where it's a real neighborhood with real neighbors who have already become really good friends.

We also added.  In January, we started the process of adopting a little girl named Fodie from Sierra Leone Africa.  Under normal circumstances, we might have waited until life had calmed down a bit but because of an upcoming change in the Sierra Leone law that would make the adoption process much harder, we started the process.  We made a trip to Africa in April to go to court to make her legally ours.  Jenna made another trip in early September to bring her home and she arrived in the U.S. September 4..my big brother's birthday....and just a few days before they started closing the Sierra Leone borders because of the spread of Ebola in the region.
These first couple months with Fodie have seemed like a couple of years but not in a bad way.  I feel like we are watching a little girl who was developmentally and emotionally
a three year old blossom and catch up to the six year old that she actually is.

My body and my emotions are beginning to manifest the effects of all of the change this year has brought.  I am more tired than I think I am and there's more sorrow inside that needs to find it's way out.  I know I need to let myself feel the weight of this year.  In measuring it, I can honestly say that I know I can't bear it...but I can honestly see that I haven't been bearing it.  God has kindly been carrying it for me.  That doesn't mean that I don't need to process some things like grief and change..but I can't force that process and I'm not going to try.  It will happen when it needs to.  I'm just grateful for God's kindness through it all.

BEATING THE FEAR BULLIES

2 Timothy 1:7

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline" NLT

the voices at 3am are very convincing..we all know the voices... the ones that remind you that certain bills haven't been paid yet...because you haven't been paid yet.  They ask a lot of 'how' questions that really don't sound like questions at all..they sound more like an accusations.

For the single person, they may say stuff like "How are you going to find the right person at this age?..you're so far behind the timeline you laid out...even if you do get married, by the time you do, you'll be to old to start having kids!"

For the CEO the may say stuff like "how much longer do you think you can hide the fact that you really have no clue what you're doing much less how to lead a company with this many people's livelihood at stake?!...Somebody's eventually gonna find you out!"

Those voices sound suspiciously like bullies.  They are loud and intimidating.  They get right up in your face and the only thing you can see is their accusing eyes and all you can hear is the horrible sound of their voice.

But maybe there's a reason that the bully needs to get up in our face.  Our God is so great, so vast, so strong, and so easily seen in all that He has made that the only way the bully can possibly block our view is it get right up in our face so that he is the only thing we can see and hear.

As a guy who often gets to lead, write, and sing songs that talk about the greatness, the vastness, and the strength of our God, I have come to a new insight to what those songs can do on Sunday and throughout the week.  Those songs are a way to push the bully's face away (like you'd do to a little brother when he tries to get up in your face) and lift our eyes to see just how big our God is.  Those songs give us something to sing so loudly that it drowns out the voice of the accuser.  Worship in song is a chance to let God define our circumstance instead of letting our circumstances define us.  Worship is a chance to see the angel army that has surrounded the tiny fear army that has surrounded us.  In our worship, we get to look around the bully and see the Sovereign God who is unchanging and whose goodness will remain long after the voice of fear and all of our terrifying circumstances fade away.

Look up, see Him, sing out, and fear no more.

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO FODIE

It's been a little over a month since our newly adopted daughter has been home.  It has been one of the most challenging transitions we've ever made but it is also one of the most rewarding.   But even before Fodie arrived in America, God was already showing me the implications of His love demonstrated in the Gospel...what it means to be adopted and what it means to be called a co-heirs with Christ.

In our process of trying to get Fodie out of Sierra Leone, Africa, where Ebola is running rampant and killing thousands, there was a moment where we were afraid that Fodie's flight would be cancelled.  I knew that if her flight got cancelled that there was a good chance that all flights would be cancelled indefinitely because they would close the border to try to contain the Ebola virus (and they did close the border two days after Fodie arrived home).  In that moment, I realized that, since Fodie was now legally my daughter, I needed to do for her whatever I would do for my biological daughter.  In that context, I realized that, whether by flying to a neighboring country and driving in and out to get her or walking in or whatever, I would get my daughter home no matter what it took.  Even if I risked getting Ebola myself, I would get her out because she was now mine.  Her flight didn't get cancelled and she made it out, but I was ready to do whatever.  That is what God risked when He sent Jesus to earth.  That is the Gospel.

Now that Fodie is with us, Jenna and I have four children.  In other words, four different orthodontist bills, four different doctor bills, four different sets of clothes, two hotel rooms instead of one when we go on vacation now, four very used vehicles (or one very used vehicle to be handed down as each child turns sixteen...sorry kids),  four college tuitions, and someday, four people to share whatever resources we leave behind.

Now that Fodie is with us I am falling in love with her more everyday, but before I ever had any feelings (and even when the feelings I have aren't full of love) I had already legally made her mine and made the choice to give her every right and privilege that my other three children have.  This is the Gospel that God has made us co-heirs through and with Christ.

I knew that Fodie's transition into our family would be very difficult.  After being with her in Africa for a week in our adoption process, I knew that Fodie would try to make it very hard for us to love her because that was the only way she knew how to protect her fragile little heart that had already been wounded and disappointed so many times.  But Jenna and I chose to love her.  Not based on anything she had done to deserve our love but based on our choice...and we choose to love her even when she does everything in her power to defy our love.  We didn't and don't just choose to take her in, meet her needs, and tolerate her.  We chose and choose to love her even on those days where it would be easier to stay detached and guarded so that her rejection of our love doesn't hurt so much.  That is the Gospel.  It is the choice that God has made and makes daily to not just keep His promise of salvation and His covenant of provision, but to Love us.  To truly love us just like He loves Jesus....Just. Like. He. Loves. Jesus.

(picture by Sarah Bridgeman, @sarahjbridgeman)

ANOTHER KIND OF GRAVITY

Romans 7:21-23 
"I have discovered this principle of life..that when I want to do what is right, I ineveitably do what is wrong.  I love God's law with all my heart.  But there is another power in me that is at war with my mind.  This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me."   The Message

I can't prove the science behind it but I'm convinced that there is another kind of gravity.  It's not a physical force that can be measured but it's a force that is easily felt on a daily basis.  It's a resistance to doing the right thing and a lot of times it feels like the heavy pull of gravity.

Sometimes it comes in the form of a Saturday college football game and right as I sit down, my eight year old son asks me to come outside and throw the football with him.  That's when I feel it, it pulls against me making the right decision.  It tells me that there will be other days to throw the football which is a bit of a lie.  The truth is, there will always college football games but there will not always be an eight year old boy who wants to throw the football with his dad.

Sometimes the gravity comes in the form of exercise.  I finally get some time to go for a run and as I'm about head down the street, I notice that my 72 year old neighbor is sitting in his screened in garage alone.  He's alone a lot these days because his sweet wife passed away two years ago.  His daughter and granddaughter are really good about visiting with him regularly but even then, he's still alone alot.  I realize that I should probably stop over for a while and just spend time with him.  Once again, I feel the tug.  I hear gravity tell me that I can visit with him on another day...again, it's such an obvious lie.  My neighbor is 72 and the reality is that he biologically just doesn't have that many days left.

The more I am aware of it, the more I see a pattern emerging.  This strange force seems to show up every time there is a right decision to be made.  It's funny how those right and crucial choices never seem to come up at convenient times.  My neighbor never seems to be in his garage when I'm bored and looking for something to do.  It's the same with my son.  Anytime I think about throwing a football around, he's playing with a friend or doing something else.

I've also noticed another pattern.  Some of the most meaningful moments I've had with my neighbor and with my son were moments that came only after fighting through that gravity, getting up and going out.

We live in an upside down world so I guess I shouldn't be that surprised that this other kind of gravity will always try to pull me in the wrong direction but if I let it, that same gravity can act as a reverse compass pointing me in the right direction..

HE NEVER GETS OVER US

Psalm 139:2 "..He knows when I lie down to sleep and when I rise to wake"

I can't think of the last time I watched my kids while they slept.  My oldest is now 13, my middle is 11, and my youngest is 7.  They're growing up so fast.
I remember watching all three of them at different times when they were babies.  I was so smitten with them..I would just sit in amazement at how perfect and peaceful they were as they slept.  I was always wonderstruck when I would see them smile in their sleep and watch their eye movement beneath their little eyelids indicating that they were dreaming.  What could they possibly be dreaming about after only a few weeks or months on this earth?  Is it possible that they could remember the face of their Maker as He was smiling and cooing over them as He made them?  I'm pretty sure they were not smiling over the memories of their first experience of arriving on this earth.

I'm not sure why but I don't ever take the time to watch them any more.  I'm certainly not 'over it' or, by any stretch, less in love with them than I've ever been.  I guess it's just the nature of imperfect human love.  The 'shine' wears off and we stop taking note of the little miraculous details that happen daily in their growth and development.

I love the passage in Psalm 139 because it reminds me that God still watches us when we sleep.  How else would He know when we lie down and when we awake?  God is still absolutely smitten with us.  He never gets over us....ever.

DISCIPLEOSOURUS

1 Corinthians 11:1 "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ."

When thinking about discipleship, my mind naturally goes to the topic of dinosaurs...doesn't everyone's? I have always been fascinated by the topic of dinosaurs.  I remember being amazed in elementary school science class at the textbooks of what these colossal reptiles looked like.  I loved hearing about the different types of meat eaters and vegetarians and the way that some dinosaurs were predatory hunters and others were passive grazers.  My teacher would teach with such certainty about how the triceratops would defend itself with it's powerful three horned charge or how the Stegosaurus would use it's massive mace like tail as a strong defense against the sharp teeth of the Tyrranosaurus Rex or a charging pack of Velociraptors. 

But as I've grown older I've realized there's a huge problem with all of the science around dinosaurs..no one has ever actually seen a living dinosaur!  Almost all of it is educated speculation.  By the bone fossils left behind we can deduce that there were dinosaurs.  We can even get an idea of their skeletal structure but we would know so much more if we could just see them and their behavior in real life. 

We as disciples of Jesus are a lot like dinosaurs.  We are the only living example of what it looks like to follow Christ in the world today.  The unbeliever does not go the instruction manual of scripture or the example of Jesus to see what it's supposed to look like.  They are listening to what we say but significantly more so, they're watching what we do.  They don't know what we should be doing or what it's supposed to look like..they are looking to us to show them what we are.

This is also true of new believers who come behind us.  Though they do go to the authority of scripture and the perfect example of Jesus, they're still looking at us to see how the Gospel is lived out in our modern context and all of the unique dilemnas, temptations and opportunites in the cultures we live in. 

In a way, we are the like the dinosaurs in the movie Jurassic Park.  But instead of mosquito DNA, we've been reanimated by the Spirit of God and if we let Him, the blood, flesh and skin of our Lord is spiritually being added back to our bones so that the world and all who come behind us can have a clear picture of how Jesus and those who follow Him lived and loved.

Father, we help us to look like Jesus, to act like Jesus, and to love like Jesus so the world will see You and how much You love them through us.

HELPFUL

John 6:9-11 "there's a young boy here with five barley loaves and two fish.  But what good is that with this huge crowd?"

"Tell everyone to sit down,"Jesus said.  So they all sat down on the grassy slopes.  (The men alone numbered about 5,000.)  Then Jesus took the loaves, gave thanks to God, and distributed them to the people.  Afterward, He did the same with the fish.  And they all ate as much as they wanted.

One day, I think we'll be very surprised to hear from Jesus why He did certain miracles and who He did them for.  It's very clear in the story of the loaves and the fishes that the miracle was a blessing for the five thousand plus hungry people who had come to hear Jesus but I think the miracle was also for one little boy..the one who brought the loaves and fishes.. 

When I read this story, I can't help but think of my little Zac.  My son Zach is seven years old and he loves to be helpful.  I can totally picture Zac being the boy who hears about the crisis and comes to the disciples offering his little basket of bread and fish...and when the disciples said "but what good is that with this huge crowd?", I can also see his dejected little face look down at the ground and his lip start to quiver because he so wanted to be helpful and the disciples pretty much called his helpful offer useless.  I know that face because I've seen it.  I've done the same thing to him more times than I care to admit.

But, thankfully, Jesus isn't like us.  Jesus saw the sweetness and the enormous amount of faith in the little boy's offer and decided to make a huge deal out of it.  When the passage says that Jesus gave thanks to God I think His prayer might of sounded something like this..

"Father! Thank you so much for Zac's perfect gift!.  This is EXACTLY what we needed and we are soooo grateful that you brought Zac to us today.  If it not for him, we wouldn't be able to eat today. But because you brought him and his awesome gift of bread and fish, we will not go hungry today!  Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!!"

And as He said "Amen!", I can totally picture Zac's whole face lighting up and a smile breaking across his face...I can see the wonder in his eyes when, as the basket's were being passed, they continued to yield bread and fish until every mouth was fed.  And then to top it off, Jesus says "gather the leftovers so that NOTHING is wasted."  Even in this, Jesus is giving great value to the little boys gift. I would imagine that he sent the boy home to his family with far more than five loaves and two fish, giving him the chance to be the hero once again that night.

I know that I'm definitely using alot of sanctified imagination here but I do think it's not far off because that's the way Jesus is.  He makes a huge deal of the little gestures of faith.  He goes way out of His way to make all of us and just one of us feel helpful.

PRIESTS

1 Peter 2:9 "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood...."

What if God expects us to take this verse literally?  What if we really are supposed to be priests wherever we are?  What would it look like?  Does it mean that we're all supposed to go into vocational church work?  What if  someone knows that God has made them to be a banker, or a lawyer, or a police officer, or a stay at home mom?

I think a simple answer can be found by looking at the things that priests do. Before scandal and abuse rocked the Catholic church and screwed up the image that comes to mind when we think of the word 'priest', there was a much better and more biblical picture of what being a priest looked like. 

A good Catholic priest was someone that really knew how to listen. Listening is a lost art in our day and, more than ever, people are so desperate for someone to just listen to them.  What if being a priest is simply becoming the guy or gal in the office that does a lot more listening than talking? 

A priest was someone that you knew that you could confess your deepest darkest sins to and it would be kept in strictest confidence.  What if being a priest wherever you are is just simply being the person that people feel safe sharing their secrets with?  What if, by not being a gossip, your neighbors or the people you work with began to see you as someone that they can talk with about things that they are really ashamed of, knowing that you will love them without judgement.

A priest was known for being gracious and unexplainably forgiving.  I love the picture painted in Les Miserables of the priest, who after the police clearly prove that Jean Valjean has stolen the priest's silver candle stick holders (after having taken Jean Valjean into his home), tells the police that they were a gift but that he forgot the rest of the gift.  He then gives Jean Valjean the rest of the very expensive silver dining set.  We would show God well to the world if we were know for such crazy acts of grace and compassion. 

A priest was known for always being there.  It's very hard to find people who are faithfully there for you these days.  Whether it be a funeral, the birth of a child, or a loved one's illness, priests were known for always being there.  Though at times, they were there to officiate such events as a representative of the church, more often than not, they were just there to be there.  What if we were the guy or gal who showed up to sit with a co-worker  while there spouse was in surgery?  What if we were known for showing up at funeral not because we knew the deceased but because a co-worker or neighbor had lost a loved on and you were just there to support them.

A priest was known for knowing God.  A good priest was not only known for knowing about God and knowing the Bible.  A good priest was known for knowing God.  There is a Catholic radio station where I live and, though I am a Protestant evangelical (whatever that means), I will occasionally tune in to listen.  There is an older priest that will be on the air from time to time and when I listen to the smile in His voice and the joyfully familiar way that He talks with and about God, I KNOW that He knows Jesus well and spends time in His presence daily.  His love and joy allow him to effectively communicate even the harder and confrontational truths of God's word.  Again, we would represent God well if, even in our hard and confrontational conversations, love and joy radiated through our words and actions.

Father, help us to become the wise, trustworthy, loving priesthood that you have called us to be everywhere that you have called us to go.

THE KINGDOM IS LIKE A BOB DYLAN SONG

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify Your Father which is in heaven." KJV Bible

A few years back, I was in Nashville to celebrate my parents' 40th anniversary. While I was there, I had the opportunity to attend a live show with my brother where ten local artist/musicians from the Nashville area (Ten of Tenn) collaborated to create an incredible music experience. It was a beautiful experience because the whole nature of the performance was very much about the songs and not about the individual artists. The ten artists took turns sharing their songs and when they weren't singing their own songs, they would rotate to an instrument and play in the band for another artist. Everybody seemed to be there to share and enjoy each others music for the sake of enjoying music.

After the last song was sung the whole band came to the front of the stage and chose to end the experience in a very unique way. They all came down into the middle of the audience (it was a bar/music hall so everyone was standing) with their instruments unplugged and began to sing the Bob Dylan tune "I Shall Be Released". As they began to sing, everyone in the room began to sing with them as only a Nashville audience can. The environment in the room became everything that Nashville should be as everyone was simply sharing in the song. I think I may have been one of the only people in the room that didn't know the song and never in my life have I so badly wanted to know the words.

As I have thought about that night, I wonder if maybe that's what our invitation to those outside of God's Kingdom should look like. Maybe our lives are supposed to be like a melody that is so sweet that everyone around us wants to know the words so they can sing along..

CIGARETTE SMOKE

"Because of Christ, we give off a sweet scent rising to God, which is recognized by those on the way to salvation - an aroma redolent with life"  2 Corinthians 2: 16, The Message

I love the smell of cigarette smoke, particularly Salem cigarettes. I think it's because a family member smoked that brand when I was a child and the smell reminds me of being a kid.

It's funny how the societal perception of smokers has so drastically changed over the last couple of decades. Now when I walk past the designated smoking area in the airport, I immediately rush to hyper-judgement of the 'dirty' smokers with their 'dirty' cigarettes huddled together in their glass chamber of addiction. In our modern caste system of addictions, cigarette smokers are at the bottom of the pile...the lepers.

I have a pretty good idea of how God feels about cigarettes overall but I suspect that there is one particular type of cigarette smoke that God may actually like. It's the cigarette smoke that you smell outside of any addiction recover meeting.

On Tuesday nights, when I used to lead worship for our college worship service in Buffalo, and as I would leave each week, I would see the recovery crowd hanging out in the parking lot of our church because they had just wrapped up their meeting. Not everyone was smoking but at least a few normally were and I loved the smell of their smoke because of what it represents. It's a step forward...it represents getting up one more time after getting knocked down... it represents the transition of going from a greater and more destructive addiction such as cocaine or alcohol to a lesser and more non-consequential addiction such as cigarettes.

I know that God's ultimate design is that we not be addicted to anything but, in a fallen world, sometimes, we just have to take it one step at a time.  And whether it's being addicted to alcohol or approval, sex or success, pills or pride, we're all in a fight to get free.  I'm sure in their journey to freedom, there will be a place where they realize that they need to be free of their need for cigarettes but for now, the odor of their smoke will be the aroma of little and daily battles fought that lead to sweet and great victories.

YOU PASSED!!

Luke 15:5-7 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home.  Then He calls his friends and neighbors together and says, "Rejoice with me! I have found my lost sheep." I tell you in the same way, there will be more rejoicing in Heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who do not need to repent. (NIV)

Sometime ago, there was a viral video going around of a father's reaction to his kid telling him he had passed a test at school.  When the father found out that his kid had passed, the father began to shout  in celebration and jump and down in elation.  He was so moved that he began to weep for joy at his son's success.  I'm not sure what struggle had led up to the kid's passing but the dad's elation was such a rich and beautiful moment between a father and son.

I'm not sure if it's because the man was Jewish or if it was because there was a "holy manliness" even in his weeping, but something about the whole moment reminded me of God.
I think that is how God celebrates every time we pass that test the we have repeatedly failed or every time we overcome the addiction...And when we step out and take that huge step faith I think he reacts just like that father did.  He jumps up and down and proclaims "my son, my daughter..you passed!! you passed!! You did it!! I'm so proud of You!!!"

I wonder what would happen if I started looking at trials and tests as a chance to make my Father crazy happy.  Instead of seeing temptation as a negative shameful consequence to be avoided, what if I also saw it as an opportunity to make my Father go crazy celebrating in a spike-a-footbal-touchdown-dance kind of way.  What if I started picturing my Dad in Heaven calling all of the angels over and making them watch His DVR'd recording of my victory over and over again like it was in the ESPN top ten plays of the day segment.

I think God is that way and knowing that makes me want to get it right.  Not because I'm trying to get Him to love me but because I know He loves me and He, more than anyone else, loves to wildly celebrates my victories.

WITH

Psalm 103:8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.


Why does God take so long sometimes?  If I am honest, I have definitely asked that question a lot.  Sometimes the whole theology of God's omnipotence (unlimited power) and his sovereignty (complete control of all things) are more of a stumbling block for me than they are a help because I know that there are so many things that He could do for me that would make my life so much easier.  I don't feel bad about wrestling with all of this though because I know I'm surrounded by a "great cloud of witnesses" both in my present church family and in my Biblical family tree of sinners and saints who have also wrestled with God's timing and way of doing things.

In his message on Sunday, Pastor Charlie Weir said something that seemed to bring an answer in part to some of my questions.  He said, "process is God doing something with us when we want God to do something for us."

That quote makes me think of the "dad" side of God.  What if God's way of doing things is more like a dad, who happens to be a master builder, choosing to build a tree house with his son?  If it was about building a tree house then the dad would build a tree house built to spec with every board cut to the perfect length with perfectly level floor and walls.  Because He was a builder by trade, it would take him no longer than a weekend to build the perfect treehouse FOR his son.

But it's not about building a treehouse..and so a good dad lets his son be a part of building the treehouse.  The master builder dad bites his lip when his son cuts every board to a different length. He just smiles as his boy lays a floor that has more angles than a carnival fun house.  And a lot of times when the boy gets impatient over the hours (that turn into weekends) that it's taking to get the treehouse done, a good dad doesn't tell his son that the delay is coming from the son with all of his mismeasurements that lead to miscuts that lead to trips to the hardware store for more wood and more nails.

But finally, when the treehouse is done (and safe to enter because the dad has come back out when the son was either asleep or at school to make subtle corrections that make the treehouse safe), the father and son stand side by side in awe of what they built together and say "look what we did!".  A treehouse is about what "we" did.

And I am starting to understand why God "takes so long".  It's taking so long cause He's let me be involved in the process...
He's a dad who wants to build something with me because He just wants to be with me.

AUTHORIZED OR DIRECTED

Luke 10:19 Look, I have given you all authority over the powers of the enemy, and you can walk among snakes and scorpions and crush them.

In preparation for our trip for Africa, my wife and I had a will drawn up just in case something happened to us as we were both traveling overseas.  It's nothing that anybody likes to think about but  is obviously, a wise and necessary step.

In the process of getting my living will completed, I had an option as to what would happen if I was in a comatose state and unable to make a decision as to how long I would want to be kept on life support if the doctor said there was little to no hope of my recovering.  My option was to either direct my wife in what she would do or I could authorize her to make the decision for me.  The difference in the two decisions was if I direct her, then she would have no say in the decision, she would legally be bound to carry out whatever I had directed.  If I authorize her, then I am trusting her look at the circumstances and make the decision on what she hears from the doctor balanced by what she feels in her gut.

I chose to authorize her to make the decision.  I chose this because, though I am leaving her to make a very painful decision, I know she will know what to do.  Some understandably don't want their spouse to make that decision because it is an unbearably hard one for anyone to make but with us still having young children, I need my wife to make that choice based on what the doctors say and more importantly, what her very reliable gut feeling tells her.  I know my wife loves me and her love will guide her to the right decision.

I think, at times, God's will is a lot this process.  In the New Testament there are various places where Jesus tells us that He has given us authority but often, in those areas where we have already been given authority, we live as those who need to be directed.  What if God's will is sometimes as simple as, "what need do you see? Go meet that need"...or "does the homeless guy in the street need new shoes or a new coat?...do you have two coats or two pair of shoes?...give him one of yours."  For us the question was "did Jenna meet a girl in Africa who is an orphan?...do you have the money and the love capacity to take her in and let her call you mommy and daddy?..then you know My will."

And even in all of those questions, we've already been clearly directed in scripture.  But we are also authorized to answer the 'how?' and the 'when?'.  What if God desires for us to get to a place where He knows that we love Him deeply enough that He can trust us to make decisions on His behalf without us having to wait until He gives us specific direction (when He often already has..).  I also know that from personal experience that as soon as we take the authority to step out and do something, He will give us clear and specific direction as we get going, but often never until we get going.

Father, help us to step out in the authority you've already given and let our love for You and our love for one another guide us in doing whatever needs to be done today as those you have authorized to be Your help in a helpless world.

STOP

Exodus 33:18 Then Moses said, "Now show me Your glory."

I'm starting to wonder if the greatest act of Christian rebellion against this crazy busy world is to become a people who are known for stopping their lives...stopping our lives for each other and stopping our lives at the slightest prompt that God may want to show us something beautiful that He has made.

A couple of weeks ago, as I was driving home, I couldn't help but notice the sunset.  It's not uncommon for me to notice the sunset because I am a hack Instagrammer so I'm always looking for a cool picture.  This time it was different though.  The sunset was strikingly vivid.  The clouds were taking on a purple and orangish hue and the sun was a rich mix of yellow and gold.  But even more than the beauty of it was this weird sense I got that God was either frustrated or angry.  I don't know if it was God or not, but as I asked God what it was that I was sensing, I felt like I heard God ask, "are you going to miss it too?".."are you going to be counted with the millions and millions who miss this every day?"  So I pulled my car over on the side of the road and took a picture just to, in my own way, not miss it.

Later that night, during the worship at a bible study I was attending, the worship leader asked us to pray "show us Your glory!".  As I was praying, I think I heard God say with a tinge of sadness, "I already have..".  

And then it began to settle in as to what God might have been trying to tell me.  How many times do we pray that prayer "show us Your glory!" and then immediately let ourselves be led away by distraction of social media or whatever urgent task our daily calendar demands of us for the day.  

If I was Moses, I'm afraid that when that moment came where God passed by to answer my prayer of "show me Your glory", I would have missed it because I was looking at my twitter account or fighting with my phone because I couldn't get coverage there in the cleft of the rock.  

I hope that I can grow to be more like Moses when He says, "If your presence does not got with us, do not send us up from here.." (Exodus 33:15) and wait until God shows up.  It doesn't necessarily mean that I sit at home all day, but it does mean that I would go about my day expecting and looking for God's answer to my prayer.  And whether He answers through a stunning sunset or some other creatively glorious way, that I would drop everything, stop what I'm doing, and take every bit of it in. 

99 AND 1

Luke 15:3-5 "So He told them this parable, saying, 'What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until He finds it?  When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders rejoicing.'" NASB

We had hoped that our adoption court date would be Monday or Tuesday because our flight was scheduled to leave Tuesday night.  On Monday, we found out that our court date would be Wednesday morning simply because...it's Africa.  So to be safe, we scheduled our flight to get us back home to our other three children by Friday...two days longer than we had planned...two days longer than what already felt like an unbearable amount of time for both of us to be away from our children.  But by staying, we knew that we'd have a good chance of getting the court approval part of our adoption process over with and be one step closer to adopting a little girl and removing the title of orphan over her life.

Feeling the pain of having to be away from my other three children for just two more days makes me realize that I had it all wrong in the way I understood the passage where Jesus says that the good shepherd leaves the ninety-nine sheep to go find the one lost sheep.  I had always interpreted the passage in a way that made it seem like the Good Shepherd loved the 1 more than he loved the other 99 and he was so burdened about the one that was missing that he had no remorse about leaving the other ninety-nine.  But now I realize that, while He was out looking for the one, he was deeply missing being with each and all of the other sheep that he had left safe at home.  He loves all of them the same and feels the emptiness and the heavy ache of being away from any of His.  He is like any parent who wants all of their children safe in one place at one time.  Anything other than that will cause Him to go to the ends of the earth until all are safely home.

Thank You Father, that whether I am the one or the ninety-nine, you have gone and will go to whatever measures necessary to find me and bring me home because You are a good Father who is aware of each and everyone of His children